“Holy Humor” via My Step-Daughter

HOLY HUMOR **A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, “I know what the Bible means!” His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means? The son replied, “I do know!” “Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?” “That’s easy, Daddy…” the young boy replied excitedly,” It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..’ (This one is my favorite) ======= There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?”  asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady. ======== “Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.” ======== A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.” ======== There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I  have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.” ======== While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign… “Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.” ======== A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?” A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy. “Really? How do you know?” the teacher asked. “You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… “ ======== A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were  many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. “Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.” The minister chuckled, “I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.” ======== People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. ======== Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.” Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about. He said “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.” ======== The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were  expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.. The substitute wanted to know what to play. “Here’s a copy of the service,” he said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.” During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.” At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.” And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache….. When you open it, he collapses….. When he sees you reading it, he faints….. When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees…… And when you are about to forward this message…. He will try and discourage you.. I just defeated him!!! Any other takers? – REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.. God Bless America

Over The Edge

WEEKLY PHOTO CHALLENGE: BLUE; Once Upon…

Weekly Photo Challenge: Blue by frizztext

Free Write Friday; Time & Place Scenario – Dear God, What Now? – Part 3

“I don’t know any of that, I’m just telling you my part of this and that’s all I know!  I was told to go home and continue praying for the next step of my faith journey.” the voice was gentler now.  ”Good luck and God bless you!” and with that the line was dead.

Reggie was visibly shaking now.  The waiter returned to the table and asked if she was cold and would like something to put around her shoulders.  She graciously declined and began to nibble at her food, but her appetite had diminished considerably since the phone call.  Then she called to the waiter and asked, “When is the next train station?”

“You have almost 30 minutes before we arrive at our next stop, madam.” was his reply as he turned to walk away once more.

Reggie wanted time to pray about these latest developments, so she hurried back to her seat and began to do just that.  ”Father, I’m so confused and don’t know what it is that you want from me.  I’m doing my best to go on blind faith and trust here but this isn’t easy for me and You know it!”

Deep in thought and prayer, she almost missed her stop again.  After disembarking the train, Reggie went to the ticket counter to inquire about a room to stay in.

“You are in luck,” the gentleman replied to her query, “there’s one across the street that is owned by my brother-in-law!!  It is affordable and very well-kept.”

“Thank you so much!” she said and with that picked up her luggage and exited the station.   Upon entering the hostel, Reggie saw that it was indeed a very nice and tidy establishment.  ”So far so good!” she said to herself.

As she approached the check in counter, an unkept woman with three children walked up to her.  Reggie smiled at her and said “Hello.”

The woman immediately burst into tears.  Reggie was taken back for a moment.  ”Can I do something to help you?” she asked her.

“Please, ma’am, could you spare some change so that I could get a room and something to eat for my children?  My husband brought us to this town and then disappeared and we are so very hungry.  He left us with no money at all!” the woman replied with a wail.

“Sure,” she said and with that pulled the wallet out of her purse and handed her $300.

The woman’s eyes were bigger than silver dollars at the sight of the money.  ”May God richly bless you for this!!!”…   to be continued.

Teresa Marie 5/15/12 ©

#FWF Free Write Friday; Time & Place Scenario by kellieelmore

Related articles

• Free Write Friday; Time & Place Scenario – Dear God, What Now? – Part 2 (terri0729.wordpress.com)
• Free Write Friday; Time & Place Scenario – Dear God, What Now? – Part 1 (terri0729.wordpress.com)

A Thought For Your Tuesday From Edith Wharton

*image source: google.com/images

Your Tuesday icanhascheezburger Laughs

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A-Z ARCHIVE: T! CHALLENGE

by frizztext