I don’t know how it happened; this post was supposed to go with the Spinning poem but ended up in my drafts folder instead, gee I wonder?! lol! Better late than never, right?
Yes, as you can see with my poem, I’ve finally hit the wall and suffered a stress fracture! lol. Actually I’ve been sick for 3 weeks now, or more, I can’t remember for sure the last time I felt good.
The doctor started Mark on the first option of med’s on the 15th. I had to contact the on-call doc on Friday evening, after a nerve-wracking day of worry. I told Mark on Thurs. evening that he looked rundown. On Friday, he was real lethargic and just not himself. I was getting ready to run get Sara after school and went to tell him. At first I couldn’t find him but then noticed the bedroom door was closed. I yelled out that I was leaving and asked if he was okay. He said yes, but I knew he was lying. I opened the door and said so. ”How do you know I’m lying?” he asked me.
“Mark! We’ve just had our 8th anniversary, I know my husband better than he thinks apparently. The only time you get away with doing it, like you just did, is ’cause I let you! Good thing you don’t try it often.”
Looking closer at him, I noticed he was kinda ashy and his face looked like somebody had punched it, extremely swollen. No wonder he had kept out of my sight for most of the day! He said he was fine for me to leave him alone for 20 minutes. I flew there and back. Then he was back up and I saw how inflamed his whole body was. Scared me to death! I grabbed the phone and called immediately.
Long story short; I had to monitor his blood pressure over the weekend and if it got up to 160, take him immediately to the ER; he had to stop the new med’s; we couldn’t travel anywhere (which normally wouldn’t matter except my son was getting married 90 miles away!!!!!!) All this occurred at 10:45 pm and I had to call him around 11:15 to tell him that I would not be able to come see him get married. I was bawling my eyes out! He said that he understood but I still heard the hurt in his voice. Then I had to call my eldest daughter to tell her that I would get Sara out there to ride with her but Mark & I would not be going. At first she was dead silent and I burst out bawling all over again.
“I don’t know what to say mom, I’m sorry. Did you call Blaine yet?” ”Yes” ”What did he say?” ”He understood” ”I’m sure he does” ”I still know he’s hurt” ”I’m sure he is! I don’t want this to sound mean, so please don’t take it that way but I’m just talking from the other side of the coin here.” (I already had an idea what was coming) ”What?” ”I just really sucks to be your kid sometimes. It was already bad enough before with you always being sick so much, but now with Mark too, that’s just that much more stuff you will miss out on being there for! Look at all the things you’ve already missed.” Bawling more, “I kn-know but I c-c-can’t help it!” ”WE ALL KNOW THAT, MOM! We don’t blame you at all, that’s what I meant when I said that it sucks being your kid. You know I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world!! Mark either, we all just wish you weren’t sick.” ”How do you think I feel?!”
I told her that I thought about getting someone to come stay with him while I was gone but there’s no way I could do that and not be a basket case the hold time I was gone, just the worry alone would ruin the whole day for me and I didn’t want to be a downer to the celebration. Could you just imagine if I had gone 90 miles away and got a call saying “We had to take Mark to the hospital?” I’d probably kill myself just trying to get home fast enough, not to mention the worst case scenario.
Everybody understood, Mark said to go anyway, of course that didn’t happen and now I have one more guilt to live with concerning my children I am trying my hardest to brush it off but it’s not working well enough to keep my depression in check. I hit that Saturday night.
NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT ANY OF IT!!!! I know this, they know this, God knows this, easier said than done too.
I used to ask God why I had to go through all the abuse and crap with Sara’s dad, what He was strengthening me for? How strong did I have to be in the future? I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around for it. Today, I think I know why, it was a stress tolerance exercise!
I’m trying to keep busy and occupy my mind as much as possible but with being sick so much it’s not easy. I did want to share with you the latest things that I’ve been working on. They could be better but I think I’m still doing pretty good for only starting back in November or so of last year, don’t you? I find that I can do the sculpting better than the canes because, with them, you have to be able to apply equal pressure with both hands during construction and then again when reducing; for me with the MS, that’s impossible. Therefore, the pattern is never straight in my canes Oh well, I am having fun with these characters anyway.
Thanks to you all for those thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement!! I couldn’t do it without your support. Forgive me being negligent with the updates.
Love, hugs and blessings to all, Terri
I don’t know where I left it last time I posted but: last Tuesday we went to meet with Mark’s new cardiologist and the Heart Center, whom I liked very much; the testing results showed that he has an enlarged right ventricle he needs to go get a procedure done that takes ultrasound pictures of his heart; depending on what they show, he will either require an electroencephalograph to diagnose what and where the damage is or the medication he was given to keep his blood pressure up during the day should suffice to stop his passing out.
Mark has known for about 15 years that he has a tiny hole in his heart but it’s not caused him problems before. The doctor said he was probably born with it and it has now become larger. He also said that, should that be the diagnosis, he can patch it with a fairly minor procedure. Of course, as I told my family, when you’re talking about messing with my husband’s heart – nothing is minor to me!!
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, please continue – they’re working!! At the very least, I’m thankful that we are finally moving in the right direction and he didn’t have a heart attack but just passed out instead. The doctor said it could easily have been the other way around.
Love and hugs
The world keeps turning
as faster it goes
deliver their blows
the acid ‘s churning
as all heaven know
and what I’m learning
while the stress grows
is all I’m earning
is an ulcer, suppose?
Teresa Marie 9/2/13 ©
Well, I said I would update you on everything, hopefully I remember it all:
Dad is all clear of cancer. We are guessing that it just went too long before they realized that he needed surgery and has suffered permanent nerve damage in his spine The dementia is continuing to worsen.
Jodie’s son was buried on Wed. Her grandson is doing pretty good now; granddaughter is doing much better and expected to recover, fully? We will pray it’s so! Children are strong, resilient little boogers. Hoping for the best.
Mark is back to square one, we think, but are unsure. One message said the tests he did were negative but he still needed to get the rest done. The cardiologist told him last Friday that he didn’t, ? He has an appt. with his regular doctor tomorrow, guess we’ll see what he says then. He still can’t go back to work until they find the cause. Burning through his vacation time rapidly and harvest will soon be upon us
I need a break. The stress finally took its toll and I slept for 2.5 days straight. Only woke up to go to the bathroom and eat occasionally. Hanging in there though Thank you all for your comments, love and prayers!! It means the world to us.
Love and blessings to you all, Terri
Now for some wisdom:
I thought that I might actually lose it today! I’ve been barely hanging on with my last fingernail, then it broke!!
Mark took his sugar readings and they were as follows: 139 (scary but he didn’t fast as long as he was supposed to so we disregarded it), 89, 86 and 88. Which, according to the papers they gave him, was a possible indication of hypoglycemia. Then he went to the doctor this afternoon. The nurse practitioner that he saw before was sick and so he got a different one.
She completely threw out the notion that it was his blood and went straight for another possibility. Guess what she said? His heart! As she was getting some papers she had printed for him, in walks his doctor who is on vacation this week. He came in specifically to talk to Mark and order a battery of heart tests.
I didn’t want to believe what I thought I had heard in my spirit intentionally when this all started but, as with every time I ignore those voices, I should have listened!! I’m numb right now with the shock to my system.
For better news:
Dad’s biopsy came back negative, so no cancer.
Kevin said that their grandson was released from the hospital yesterday. The granddaughter is doing well enough that they are putting that piece of her skill back on and she is no longer being kept sedated. She is expected to recover with, hopefully, minimal or no permanent damage to her brain. They are all staying at the Ronald McDonald house so they can be close to her. Jodie’s son’s funeral was today.
Please pray for Mark some more!!! I’m worried sick, in more ways than one but mostly because, what would I ever do without my soul mate here with me? I can’t fathom it
Love, hugs and blessings to you all, Terri
Well, I’m still hoping for the lesser of evils here. The Nurse Practitioner said, with his family history, we are probably looking at “early onset diabetes”. They sent him home with a One Step, I think that’s what it was called, to check his blood sugar this weekend and keep a diary of the readings. (Don’t forget about the fact that Penny has it and so we will know what those mean when he takes them.) He is to go back on Monday and they will go over it all. He said to me, “Ya, well you know I don’t like needles and shots!” My reply was, “I’d take your needle over mine any day of the week. Your’s would be no more than a bee sting!!” I’ve been getting the larger diameter/shorter needles lately which are only 2 1/2 inches long instead of the 3 inch ones. The MS drug is inter-muscular so the needle has to be long enough to go beyond the layers of skin and fat on my thigh. Hey wait a minute! Now that I have lost 40 pounds, it seems that I should be rewarded with maybe a 2 inch needle, doesn’t it? I wish
Anyway, there is nothing new to report on our other crisis for now, but no news is good news, right?!
Thanks again for your prayers, they are being heard!
With my love, , Terri
P.S. I definitely need to have something on the lighter side, so look for my next post following shortly
P.S.S. I almost forgot about the pics of my latest work in progress, almost finished, in the dragon saga No story as been written for it yet, sorry. This house has it all, even a bonsai tree in the back and a magic vine!
I thank you for your faithfulness to me and mine! i know I can count on you in times of need.
My brother and his wife said thank you and please continue to hold them up prayer as the next few days will be critical.
Their grandson suffered a severe laceration to his head but was up and trying to play this afternoon. Prognosis is good that he will fully recover.
Their granddaughter suffered severe brain trauma resulting in a hematoma. They have removed a small section of her skull to relieve the pressure and keeping her sedated.
Thank God for their car seats! Otherwise it would have been a triple fatality. So use them, my friends, and buckle yourselves up too.
Much love to you all, God bless, Terri