My Ms Journey And On We Go

Yes, I was a mess.  I hurt everywhere.  No matter which way I tried to arrange that mat on that metal bunk, it hurt me to lay on it.  I was extremely depressed and uncontrollably emotional.  I really thought I was losing it.  I’ve always been a “cup half full” kind of person, so depression was a whole new ball game.  I’ve always been a soft-hearted person also, but crying for no reason and not being able to reign it in was not acceptable.  I had no clue what was going on.

There was a nurse in my pod who had been convicted of forging prescriptions for pain killers to support her drug habit.  She told me that, as soon as she saw me on the first day, she was sure that I’d had a stroke.  She was extremely nice to me and concerned for my health. 

The right side of my face drooped and I couldn’t drink without the liquid running down my chin.  You don’t get straws in jail.  I was very weak from hardly eating anything in days.  My right side motor skills were a mess.  It seems like all movement of limbs on that side were out of sync with the left side.  My right leg dragged behind.  I had no balance.  I had no depth perception so when I reached for my cup, or whatever, I would miss the object or knock it over.  I had to try to eat with my utensil in the left hand so that I could hit my mouth. 

I would ask the same question at least 5 times within the same amount of minutes and still not remember the answer in the end.  My brain was so scrambled that words wouldn’t come out right or even in the right order.  It was difficult to maintain my focus when I tried to read my Bible, but I prayed in the Spirit a lot.  Eventually (I have no concept of any time frame of occurrences), a nun that did outreach there gave me a “jailhouse” rosary.  It consisted of 10 plastic beads on a string, that’s it.   *In case you don’t know, a true rosary consists of 59 beads and a cross.  The beads are specifically ordered for the praying of Our Lord’s prayer and the Hail Mary in succession.  On the cross we say the Apostles Creed.  

It was the best she could do and I happily accepted it.  I carried that rosary in my hand and prayed it constantly.  There was a yellow stripe on the floor that I tried to walk on every day, at least 10 times a day while praying for God to help me do it.  When I started, I couldn’t stay on it for more that 1 or 2 steps.  I drove everybody nuts, probably, attempting to walk at all.  They were all afraid of me falling.  You never saw such a bunch of mother hens.  It’s funny when I think about it!  Some of those women I would have been afraid of if I had just met them on the street.  There were a few pretty rough customers, but they were all nice to the crippled lady.  Can you believe that they never got me medical attention other than that one nurse checking on me?  Nobody else could either.  It was unconscionable!

One thing that was really bad was the fact that the showers were on the second level.  I was absolutely not allowed to go up there for the first week or so.  After I begged them to let me shower, someone would have to help me up there and back down again.  As long as I was in the shower stall, I could hold myself up.  But, oh man, those stairs were mesh metal one that you could see straight through.  It was awful when you combined it with the lack of depth perception!  It made me about half nauseated too.

Okay, I’ll have to think about this some more before I go on.  I know that I probably have stuff out of order, but I’m doing my best to keep it chronological.  More to follow…

Always remember that Jesus died for us because He loves us!

Teresa Marie

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