Where Did I Go? – Part Two

(image source: dreamworlds.ru)

*

As Susan drove away from the house, her legs were shaking so bad that she could barely press down the gas pedal.  Feeling sick to her stomach, only 2 miles down the road, she had to pull over and calm herself.

“Where am I going to go?” she thought.  She had planned on driving to her parents house but it was only 5:30am and she knew that no one would be awake at that hour of the morning.  Here parents were in the late 60’s and retired.  

Susan had not seen them in over 3 years.  The family had all long since turned their backs on her over the years when she kept going back to Jason every time she left him.  She had never managed to stay away from him more than 3 or 4 months.  He always lured her back in somehow, but not this time.  Susan was determined to get free of him for good!  She had to do it for the kids if nothing else.  Never should they be allowed to grow up thinking that this was the way that people who loved each other acted.

She didn’t want her son to become an abuser nor her daughters to grow up thinking that they deserved to be abused either.  If she didn’t have the courage to do it for her self, she had to do it for them, for their future happiness and just to give them a chance at normalcy.  So, she drove on, gulping in the air to calm her stomach.

When Susan pulled up in front of her parent’s house, the home that she had grown up in, the lights were out.  She reclined the back of her seat and tried to relax before she had to go knock on the door.  Lost in a surreal fog she began to think about her who she once was.

“How did I ever get to this place in my life?” she wondered.  It was amazing to her, when she thought about it, how fear had totally taken over and dictated her life for the last 15 years.  And the drugs, never in a million years would she have thought that she would find herself strung out on drugs like she was.  A wave of disgust and remorse washed over her, guilt and recrimination flooded her whole being.  

As she glanced at herself in the rear view mirror, Susan saw someone whom she didn’t know staring back at her.  Their face was gaunt and drawn, dark circles under the eyes, and there was no light in those eyes like there once had been.  No longer did they twinkle mischievously back, their life had been sucked out of them.  Even the green of their iris was dulled and lifeless.

“Oh, dear God, what will mom and dad think when they see me?!” but Susan already knew the answer to that one.  As she bent her head to say a prayer, out of the corner of her eye she saw the front door open and her mother was standing there looking out at the car.

She breathed a quick prayer, opened the car door and got out.  Her mother had tears in her eyes when she came out of the house and onto the porch with her arms opened.

Susan burst into tears and ran into her mother’s arms just as her mother was saying, “We never thought we would see again, not alive anyway!”  Susan’s shoulders dropped, her body shook with deep racking sobs and she knew that she was home…

Teresa Marie  1/20/12 ©

4 thoughts on “Where Did I Go? – Part Two

    1. Thanks Elizena! This is loosely based on my life and I was shaking when I left. I went to see your poem, which was great by the way, but couldn’t leave a comment. You might want to check your settings. Blessings, Terri

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