I Want A Dialogue With You On A Serious, Personal Matter

*Okay, this is kind of long but I am emotionally charged here with this one:



Today I was watching Dr. Oz and the show was about whether or not Physician assisted suicide is morally right or not.  This was a highly emotional show.

Montel Williams was on there and he is  very passionate about this subject and the right of someone to end their suffering by ending their life.

There was a Physician/Physiatrist on there that is very passionate about doctors not having the right to assist in suicide.

There were several different patients on each side of the coin with their opinions.

This was very emotional for me to watch and I cried through the whole thing.

Being able to understand much of what was being talked about because of my various diseases and conditions that are a result of those diseases, this subject was very hard for me to watch being talked about.

Being a faith driven person, being a walking/talking example of miracles, I DO NOT agree with the physician assisted suicide right.

I understand what Montel was saying about being in so much pain, the kind of pain cancer patients  go through when everything else has been done and they are out of options, constant – nerve racking –debilitating pain, I know it well!!

When I was struck with the M.S., as a result of it, I ended up with Fibromyalgia and Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) and thought that I was going to lose my mind!!  My life was “unbearable” because of everything that I was dealing with.

The condition I was in due to the M.S. alone was bad enough and being told that I would have to deal with where it left me; unable to walk without a walker because otherwise I would only make it a few steps before falling over; partial paralysis of the left side of my body; mouth drooping; depression (not because of my mental state but because that is a side effect of M.S. and what it does to the brain); unable to even sit on the toilet without Mark’s help to keep me from falling off, it was horrible.

Then the Fibromyalgia hit.  I could not sit/lay/stand or walk without severe pain and the pain was constantly moving until it got to the point where there was not a place on my body that didn’t hurt.  I cried for hours every day.  Painkillers would dull it, sure, but they didn’t cure it!

Finally the RLS kicked in.  This is a hard disease to describe but the best I can say it is this; it feels like pins and needles pricking your calves; creepy/crawly sensations INSIDE the skin, like bugs crawling; your legs will involuntarily jump, over and over and over for hours and hours and hours!  It’s impossible to sit still or sleep and it happens EVERY night starting about 9PM and lasts ALL NIGHT LONG!

So dealing with all of these things, I became severely depressed at times since I was already half way there from the MS and then add sleep deprivation; I was emotionally depressed.

I would pray for hours; then I would repeatedly cry out to God “Why?  I can’t live like this!!  Why won’t You help me?  Why won’t you just let me die?  Why, why, why…?”

It was the most horrible year of my life (and that even includes when I was being abused)!  If someone, a doctor, had said “I will give you something you can take to die if you want it.”  I would not have done it because of my Religious beliefs, but it would have been tempting, I won’t lie about that.  And, just maybe, at some point during one of my worst depressions stages, I could have fallen for that temptation.

But I have to say, just look at what I would have missed out on!!!!  I got my miracles, and yes I MIRACLES because I have been blessed with many of them.  GOD HEARD MY CRIES; HE DRIED MY TEARS; HE HEALED ME ABUNDANTLY (not perfectly, make no mistake of what I am saying).

Through medications/medical advances; all of my diseases and conditions are under control.  Sure, I get “flair ups” of symptoms at times but I’m 100% better off than what I was @ 7 years ago when I was first diagnosed.

Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that!!!  I have a purpose for my life, a mission if you will.  God left me here for HIS reasons.  How can I not honor and glorify Him daily with the gifts He has given me for “such a day as this”?  I have experienced a vast array of things in my life time, many of them from my own wrong doing, that have left me able to communicate with people suffering through a wide spectrum of ordeals.  I was presented with a gift from God to help people, inspire them, give them some hope in some way; either through my poetry or directly communicating with them or just through reading my story and know what I came through and how happy I am today.

Now I will throw this in here at the end; I do agree with having a Living Will wholeheartedly.  Mark KNOWS without a doubt what my feelings are about being kept alive artificially.  NO WAY, NO HOW!  Do not put me on life support systems just because YOU don’t want to lose me.  If God wants to take me, don’t interfere with Him!!

So, I had a thought; what if Mark and I both got into an accident?  We don’t have a legal Living Will, who would speak for me then if Mark died and I didn’t?

I immediately picked up the phone and called my daughter to discuss all that I have with you in this post.  Being my eldest, it would fall on her shoulders to make that decision for me L and it would be hard for her but now she knows from my own lips what I want and I feel better.

So…  that brings me to this; what do you think about all of this?  I really want and ask from your comments.  Hitting the like button on this one is not going to tell me what parts you agree or disagree with; whether you like the idea or just like me talking about it; so please give me some feedback because I am very involved with this subject knowing that I could be struck any minute by the MS again and be right back to where I was in the beginning or even worse off than that.  I’m not saying that I would probably ever change my opinion on it but I am interested.


Love and blessings to you all,


6 thoughts on “I Want A Dialogue With You On A Serious, Personal Matter

    1. Wasn’t it heartbreaking? I balled the whole time because I’ve been that low before but I am TRULY grateful that my parents gave me the foundation they did to not even think of suicide as an option because I LOVE my husband so much, who also married me AFTER I was struck down, and family and my life is so blessed!! If I had killed myself, what a tragedy that would have been for everybody and what would I tell God when He said to me “I had plans for you!”
      I’m not criticizing any of those people, they all had their points, it was very emotional for me to watch it. Thanks, Terry, for taking the time to comment!!! I really appreciate it so much 🙂 Bless you, Terri

  1. Beloved,
    You have been a blessing to many.
    I want you to know that “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil.1:6).
    I want you to hold on strongly on the Lord and you will do well.

    1. Thank you so much!! That is very, very kind of you and I appreciate it immensely! I love that verse too, by the way, it’s one of my favorites. I also hold firmly to the the 91st Psalm. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart! God bless, Terri


  2. Terri, I am truly sorry you have had to suffer so much. Sometimes the suffering is such that even good, solid Christians fall headlong into despair:

    2 Corinthians 1:8-11: “For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many.”

    There are two kinds of suffering: The kind the Lord allows that has a spiritual benefit, and that which does not. Indeed, He even calls us to suffer on occasion. I cannot make judgments on individual cases, but I know this: The Lord is all-powerful and He came to give us abundant life, both now and throughout eternity. The greater our faith the greater the odds of victory. Sometimes the fight is long. Sometimes we suffer due to spiritual warfare. Sometimes spiritual enemies inflict pain and disease. But we must always know under all circumstances that the Lord loves us unconditionally. And we must always know He fights on our behalf.

    It helps us greatly to see the miracles the Lord performed as not merely belonging to that time and place but are applicable RIGHT NOW. People sometimes battle for a long time in their suffering before release. You showed how it is done in that you submitted yourself to God and kept the faith even though you did not understand.

    We eventually do understand. We eventually win. Millions of people have come through dire circumstances to victory. The key was that they never lost faith, kept praising, kept thanking God always in all things and for all things (VERY IMPORTANT. See Ephesians 5:20), kept praying, kept receiving prayer, kept hoping, kept honoring the Lord, and kept fighting.

    At the end of the day, however, it must be the individual’s choice. For those with even mustard seed faith, the Lord will send deliverance, in His time, in His way.

    Thank you for this post. It is an opportunity for the Lord to receive glory.

    1. RJ, Thank you very much for taking the time out to share your thoughts we me!! I appreciate them so much more than you could ever know! I, praise God, don’t suffer much anymore – just with flair ups that last usually less than a week. God put some great doctors in my life and they have gotten my symptoms under control or at least to manageable states 🙂

      God has been so very, very good to me. I appreciate you giving me the youtube link and will definitely watch it later this evening for sure!!

      I just met with a cousin that I have not seen in a while and we got to share some of our experiences – he just recently suffered a heart attack and had by-pass surgery. He is a strong person of faith as well and I was thrilled to hear at his check up yesterday the Dr. said that he was back to 100%! hallelujah! It was a lovely visit. We discussed this issue today too.

      I just wondered what other people thought about it since it is such an emotionally charged subject.

      Thanks again and God bless, Terri


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