picture it & write # 37; Why

– bath ..
by ~aida-julia

I ran the heavy wet cloth over my shoulders. The water, although once scalding hot, had turned lukewarm. Scattered droplets on my body cooled within seconds. I was only delaying the inevitable and yet it took an hour for me to finish my bath. I didn’t want to face what was to come. I wanted the seconds to suspend themselves. Despite all my desires to halt time, it continued on, unperturbed. My life was about to be changed forever, whether for better or worse, and there was nothing I could do about it.

 Ermisenda Alvarez

http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/2012/08/05/__picture-it-write-37/

Has Suicide Won?

*image source: google.com/images

Where Did I Go? – Part Two

(image source: dreamworlds.ru)

*

As Susan drove away from the house, her legs were shaking so bad that she could barely press down the gas pedal.  Feeling sick to her stomach, only 2 miles down the road, she had to pull over and calm herself.

“Where am I going to go?” she thought.  She had planned on driving to her parents house but it was only 5:30am and she knew that no one would be awake at that hour of the morning.  Here parents were in the late 60’s and retired.  

Susan had not seen them in over 3 years.  The family had all long since turned their backs on her over the years when she kept going back to Jason every time she left him.  She had never managed to stay away from him more than 3 or 4 months.  He always lured her back in somehow, but not this time.  Susan was determined to get free of him for good!  She had to do it for the kids if nothing else.  Never should they be allowed to grow up thinking that this was the way that people who loved each other acted.

She didn’t want her son to become an abuser nor her daughters to grow up thinking that they deserved to be abused either.  If she didn’t have the courage to do it for her self, she had to do it for them, for their future happiness and just to give them a chance at normalcy.  So, she drove on, gulping in the air to calm her stomach.

When Susan pulled up in front of her parent’s house, the home that she had grown up in, the lights were out.  She reclined the back of her seat and tried to relax before she had to go knock on the door.  Lost in a surreal fog she began to think about her who she once was.

“How did I ever get to this place in my life?” she wondered.  It was amazing to her, when she thought about it, how fear had totally taken over and dictated her life for the last 15 years.  And the drugs, never in a million years would she have thought that she would find herself strung out on drugs like she was.  A wave of disgust and remorse washed over her, guilt and recrimination flooded her whole being.  

As she glanced at herself in the rear view mirror, Susan saw someone whom she didn’t know staring back at her.  Their face was gaunt and drawn, dark circles under the eyes, and there was no light in those eyes like there once had been.  No longer did they twinkle mischievously back, their life had been sucked out of them.  Even the green of their iris was dulled and lifeless.

“Oh, dear God, what will mom and dad think when they see me?!” but Susan already knew the answer to that one.  As she bent her head to say a prayer, out of the corner of her eye she saw the front door open and her mother was standing there looking out at the car.

She breathed a quick prayer, opened the car door and got out.  Her mother had tears in her eyes when she came out of the house and onto the porch with her arms opened.

Susan burst into tears and ran into her mother’s arms just as her mother was saying, “We never thought we would see again, not alive anyway!”  Susan’s shoulders dropped, her body shook with deep racking sobs and she knew that she was home…

Teresa Marie  1/20/12 ©

On My Private Island – Free Write Friday

image source: dreamworlds.ru

In my fantasy world
is my private island

Where everything is easy
for me to understand

Unlike the one here
when in all reality

Becomes way too much
to bear in its totality

I make my escape
to a magical kingdom

Where I have rule
over what does come

For it is there
that I am free

To be anyone that
I want to be

And on this Island
a joyous life live

Far from the one
of give, give, give

In my fantasy kingdom
everyone is kind

When I am there
I have peace of mind

Although I cannot stay
on this island forever

I find that when there 
 any storm  I can weather

So I make sure
regularly to visit

And I really don’t think 
that’s so bad, is it?

Teresa Marie  12/23/11 ©

http://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/2011/12/23/free-write-friday-stories-by-the-fire/

 

 

The Cat Caper

There were two kitty cats
who climbed to the window
they just wanted to escape
but then don’t ya’ know

When they got up there
they both fell into fear
and their well layed plan
all at once became unclear

As sister said to brother
 “I think that it’s too high!”
and brother had to agree
“If we jump we’re gonna die!”

So there they just stood
as sister shook her head
“Did you see that dog
down there playing dead?”

Then brother said “Oh well,
let’s watch the people go by”
while sister watched the dog
“Yeah, let’s not even try!”

The End

Teresa Marie  12/8/11

A lesson in making good decisions

Find A Way

Know that I will
always find a way
to make my escape
from you some day

You drag me back
and I will run
’cause you don’t realize
I’m a loaded gun

Everything that you do
or try to say
will come back around
on to you anyway

You will shoot yourself
in the foot alone
there is nothing in
you that I condone

‘Cause you have abused
my mother and me
don’t believe your lies
I have eyes to see!

Teresa Marie  10/13/11

I Wanted To Fly Instead

The mouldy wood creaked underneath my worn leather shoes. With arms outstretched I wondered what bones I would break if I fell into the flowing creek in the midst of winter. The delicate yet mocking sound of sparrows littered the air and I gritted my teeth. A shriek echoed through the woods and I knew it was my foster-mother. What did my real mother and father feel when they left me? Was it just like this, except with pills? I didn’t understand what was so tempting about the fall. I lifted my gaze up to the blinding sky, I didn’t want to fall I wanted to fly instead. My foster-mother grasped me by the shoulders with brutality.

– Ermisenda Alvarez

Not wanting to be dead
but rather to fly instead

I wouldn’t go back there
no one would even care

Except for the money lost
their cookies that would frost

With me feeling kinda sick
 gave that woman a kick

And she lost her grip
as I turned my hip

Then my middle finger rose
the wind blew my clothes

While smiling at that grump
from the rail I jump

And for a second flew
then only blackness I knew

Until there came a light
feeling no need to fight

Let it pull me in
to the peace found therein!

Teresa Marie  10/9/11

This week’s submission for picture it & write at: http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com/

Runaway

Told you one day
I would run away

Weathered seams that fray
as my life decay

Wouldn’t live this way
where I’d alway pay

When I did betray
’cause I went astray

Games my mother play
is what you say

Made me a runaway
to your total dismay

But feet of clay
is what you display

When your temper got away
you hit me that day!

Teresa Marie  9/29/11

Where I Can Be

In my storybook dreams
where I can be

Anything that I want
imagination is set free

Maid Marianne in Nottingham
when meeting Robin Hood

And fighting off the Sheriff
on the side of good

Or maybe even Cinderella
with her wicked step-sisters

Who trades in her rags
for some glass slippers

I could also be
as Joan of Arc too

In my fantasy world
nothing I can’t do

I love to read
and let myself go

Where my life’s different
and problems can’t follow

Somewhere down the line
the storybook still ends

And the time is
over that it suspends

When your real life
floods back in again

But you hold on
to next time when

You can once more
into your book escape

And create the world
in your own shape!

Teresa Marie   9/16/11

But I Couldn’t Outrun Myself

My jaw chattered like it had a life of its own. I couldn’t feel the tips of my fingers or the soles of my feet. Fragile twigs snapped silently as I ran. White plumes blurred my vision as I desperately breathed out and sucked in the chilling air. All I knew was that I had to keep running. If I could just out run it all, it would disappear. The crippling memories would release me and I could forget all I had done. I would be free. If I kept running, maybe I could escape from myself.

– Ermisenda Alvarez

I ran and ran
for all I was worth
My feet were pounding
the hard frozen earth

The sweat pouring out
despite the cold chill
And I kept running
being driven by will

I felt the ghosts
were at my tail
My weak aching arms
were beginning to flail

As though the baskervilles
nipped at my heel
I ran even harder
so I wouldn’t feel

My chest was pounding
all out of breath
Just to go on
would mean certain death

Came to a stop
with a bone-jarring skid
To the cold ground
my body then slid

Gasping in the air
fast as I could
I had to face
what I’d not understood

No matter how fast
I ran and ran
‘Twas right back where
I had first began

Because it’s yourself that
you can never outrun
There’s no way of escape
from what you have done

The only peace that
you will ever see
Is to forgive yourself
 and then you’ll be free!

Teresa Marie   9/5/11

 My “let’s get writing” contribution for http://ermiliablog.wordpress.com