Still Breathing

I’m still here, breathing in and out every day, but that’s about it.

After I was last on here, I was getting ready for the Artisan’s Market.  Well it was a lot of work and they were very disappointed with their turn out. It had been a couple of years since they had it due to the fact that they were building their new church.  I was not thrilled when, in the first 2 hours of the day, I had only sold one item.  But the crowd did pick up and I think I probably came out better than a lot of them did.  After the table cost and my voluntary 10% donation to the church, I made a little over $100.  It really could have been much better.  I guess, I will either have to break down and do one of the local festivals next time but I always worry about the cost of the booth at those things vs. what you make.  I don’t know.  I’m definitely going to get some of my stuff into the consignment shops in town for the Christmas season.

All in all, things were doing okay – I just missed Mark a lot.  Since harvest started, I got to see him for maybe an hour a day and that’s it. 😦

Then on Monday I got an e-mail from mom and, after reading the first few lines, bust out bawling.  Sara came running into the room in a panic.  She was too little to remember the fits of depressions at the beginning of my MS and has only heard stories about it, so it really scared her.

The e-mail said that dad had gone to my brothers to ride the bike, which he does every day, and had fallen in the driveway.  He lay there for a while and nobody saw him to come and help him up.  That’s where I started crying.  I could only imagine my dad there helpless.  The man who was always larger than life to me.  IT BROKE MY HEART!  It went on to say that he had finally gotten himself up and drove home.  Then mom took him to the hospital.  She said is arm was in a sling and she didn’t know how well she was going to be able to help him get around.

I was a basket case.  I sent her an e-mail back and said that Sara and I would be over Tuesday after school to see him.  When I called on Tuesday to say we would be on our way over soon, mom said they were at the hospital admitting dad because she couldn’t take care of him.  I asked why not and she said, “Well, with that broken shoulder, it’s just too much for me.”  Well, I lost it again!  She had not said that dad broke his shoulder in her e-mail.  She said that he had told her that he was sorry for being so much trouble for her.

I’ve been crying on and off for days now.  I know my dad, I know he was already fighting depression and I know what this is going to do to him.

We went to see him in the hospital on Thursday because I just couldn’t get myself together enough to go before that.  I didn’t want to walk in there a basket case or crying.  I couldn’t take it for long.  We had a short visit, he was tired and wanted to sleep anyway, thank God.

They are going to keep him until Sunday and then transfer him to an extended care facility for rehab.  He is going to hate it!

I told Mark today that, if I’m this bad with him just being hospitalized, Lord only knows what I’m going to do when he passes on.  I know I would probably handle things better if I weren’t already fighting this MS depression relapse.  I like to think so anyway.

I just wanted to fill you all in on why I haven’t been here.  The two poems that I just posted are pretty dark, but well show my state of mind right now.  I owe a few of you an e-mail too but haven’t written because I don’t want to depressing to you too.  Everyone is used to my positive and upbeat outlook that I know you are concerned for me and I appreciate it more deeply than you could ever know!

My thoughts are always with you all, my friends!

Love and God bless,


In The Waiting Room


I wrote this poem while waiting on Mark at the hospital last Tuesday.  He was getting his second round of shots in his back and it was taking much longer than the last time.  I began to worry and pray that nothing went wrong.  Of course, everything was fine and they called me back to get him and take him home.  

I Have An Emergency! Request Your Prayers, PLEASE!


Shawna just called me about 20 minutes ago crying and was a nervous wreck.  She was just making her way to the Urgent Care Center with Christopher.  He woke up this morning and couldn’t breath.  He was panicking and asking her if he was going to die.

Then she text me back and said they were sending him to the hospital for observation after they gave him a drink with some steroids in it.  They were going to send them by ambulance in case he had another attack because they didn’t want her to be driving if he did.

She freaking out and I’m praying!!  Will you join me please?

I will let you know as soon as I find anything out.  I will probably be taking off for the hospital if she needs me to come.  Just waiting impatiently for another text message 😦

Love and blessings,


Thank You With All Our Heart

Thursday’s News Update

We have some things to celebrate today!

1)  Dad was released from the hospital again yesterday.  Mom took him home but said that he is very weak because he has lost so much weight from the liquid diet he’s been on.  The clamps are still holding, praise God, and he is now eating solid food.  His mind is still a mess but we are praying that is only a temporary state.

I told her to be sure and watch his stools and appetite closely and if she sees any change, get him back to the hospital right away.  I am believing that he will be coming home soon!

2)  Mark’s dad was released from the hospital yesterday evening.  I’m not sure how I feel about that since they did not determine what had caused the extreme pain he was in and his whole experience with the doctors at that particular hospital was less than encouraging.  Should it re-occur, I will suggest they go to the Sister’s of Franciscan Catholic Hospital next time!

3)  Penny is doing much better.  I had a long conversation with her yesterday, during which we both became tearful.  As the discussion progressed from how close she came to dying to what the doctors had told her down at Methodist, I was enraged.  I am NOT a person who is suit crazy but told her that she MUST taken action against this doctor up here so that he does not do this to someone else and that she is not responsible to pay for all of these surgeries, hospital bills, and future care that will be required.

The first bypass she had almost 2 months ago was a disaster.  The doctor left all kinds of pieces of plastic in her groin.  That is what caused the sepsis!  And the fact that they never caught it up here with the second surgery is appalling!!  Penny is now looking at having to go to a rehab facility for a couple of weeks and then in-home nursing care for a while after that; she has a vacuum pump that she will have to wear for approximately 6 months to suck out the infection; she will be on an IV drip of antibiotics for 6 months and then orally for another 6 months or more until they are 100% sure that all infection is gone from her body.

She is still in a lot of pain from all the incisions on her body but we hope and pray that this is the last time she will have to endure any of this!!!!

I am anxious for her to be home as well as my dad.  They only live about 8 blocks from each other, thankfully, and I will be able to check in on them both regularly.

4)  My eldest daughter has had a complete turn around in all her trials right now and things are looking up.  She was out here with me for most of the day yesterday.  We got her online to put in some job applications.  Hoping and praying that she will get one of them and have a regular 8-5 job and paycheck to better be able to budget her life while caring for her two children.  I am happy to say that she and her ex-husband work well together for the benefit of the kids and pray that it continues.

5) Next is my son’s turn.  He and I will be getting together today or tomorrow to talk about how to get his life back on track and find him a good job too so that he can support himself and his son.

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record again, but I do want to be sure to thank you all for the support and prayers that you have been offering up for me, my family and friends!!  The power of prayer is evident in this post.  Though I know it from personal experience myself, I want you too know it too!!  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

All praise, glory and honor be His forever and ever!  Amen

Love and blessings to all,


Latest News Flash!

*image source:

Hi everybody!  Yesterday I was completely absent from internet.  I spent most of the day sleeping and feeling out of sorts.  

1) Later in the afternoon I found out that they were admitting Mark’s dad to the hospital for some tests.  They think it is either his gall bladder or appendix.  He went to the emergency with extreme stomach pain.  That’s all we know as of right now.  Please add him to your prayers, his name is Al.

2) I got an e-mail from mom (plus talked to her last night on the phone).  Dad is in a regular hospital room right now.  Here is a clip of the e-mail she sent me;

As far as they can tell the clamps on Dad’s ulcer is holding and his blood count is coming up.  He had real food for the first time tonight.  He wants me there all the time and when I got there this morning he was at the door.  The nurse was saying 
“I told you not to do that.”.  He said he called me and I did not answer so he called Bob at 5:50 a.m. because he was scared and did not know where I was. I have been going to the hospital between 5 – 7 every morning  and leaving 8 – 10 p.m.. I stayed all night Sat. night and got very little sleep so  came home last night and tonight.  I wrote notes for him with my phone numbers and telling him he is at Blake Hospital and I have gone home to sleep and will return in the morning so maybe that will help.  Oh yes,   took him his pipe today so that may calm him down.  I told Hugh tonight that I am worried about his brain because he cannot concentrate or remember.  However, when I left the hospital he was working the cryptoquote for the first time so that is encouraging.
Please continue to keep him in your prayers!

3) Penny was taken out of the ICU yesterday afternoon.  I tried to reach her room/cell phone but was unsuccessful.  I talked to her son, however, and he said she is doing much better.  Her children ask that you pray for a speedy, full recovery and thank you!

Praise God!  I am thrilled with the progress that has been made and keeping the faith that it will continue.  I worry about dad and wish he was here in more familiar settings.  I think it would help him greatly to have all us kids around.  Hopefully that will happen soon.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support during this trying time!!!  You have all been so marvelous and I am blessed!

Love to all,


I Am Officially Losing It Now – PRAY For My Dad!!!! PLEASE

Okay everybody, I feel like a broken record with the prayer requests here but I am officially freaking out now.  I was worried enough about Penny as it is.

I just got off the phone with mom.  I called to see if dad was eating any better yet and she informed me that they were back to the hospital and he had just gotten out of surgery!!!  I don’t know what’s going on!  She said she would call me back.

I HATE THIS!!!  I can’t jump in the car and drive over to the hospital ’cause it’s 1200 miles away!!!

I called one of my brothers and he had just gotten off work.  He knows nothing of what’s going on either.

We were at about the same place; dad wasn’t eating or sleeping well a couple of days ago.

I NEED A DRINK!!!!  Oh, wait a minute, I quit drinking over 20 years ago, lol!

Please add my dad to your thoughts and prayers today as well as Penny!  Both of our families thank you!

With love and tears,