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Yes, I will be your shadow
wherever you go I’ll follow
So will I be your shoulder
an ever present head holder
As will I be your pillow
the snuggle, buggle, willow
And I’ll make you smile
through life’s every mile
Know you’ve got a friend
until this time does end
‘Cause Baby it’s me
you have for eternity!
Teresa Marie 12/11/11
That one’s for you, Babe!
In the beginning, I was back in the cavern and it was even colder than before. I was really afraid for the first time in my entire life, no actually not afraid but rather felt true fear. I think fear is a deeper emotion that just being afraid, that’s what you are when you’re watching a horror film or something. Fear is more gut wrenching like terror!
I let out a loud sigh as I sat down on the floor trembling. That’s when I saw her huddled in the corner, the girl. “Why did you do this to me?” I asked her.
“I didn’t do this to you, you did! By not listening when your angel tried to help you, when she told you to get aways from me, when she said you had to forgive your step-mother and everything else she told you to do. As long as I had your hatred to feed on I could stay in the mortal world but when you said that you’d rather rot in hell, that’s when he said I had to kill you.” came her subdued reply.
“He who?”
“Are you kidding me? He who? Look where you are at, do you really have to ask me who?” she was practically hissing at me again.
“You mean the devil, Satan, Lucifer or whatever he’s called down here?” I had to hear it from her.
“Yesss to all! When you died and were sent here, I had to come back too until I am assigned another soul to lead astray.”
“Is that what you did, lead me astray? How did you do that?” I was confused about that one.
“You silly boy! You were easy because of your step-mother and your anger at your dad for marrying her. A few well placed thoughts and letting you rant on and on when we’d meet up was all it took for the hatred to take seed and grow.”
I was about to respond when I started hearing some noises and smelled something awful! It was like screaming, crying, pounding and wailing sounds combined with an aroma of decaying animal, rotting garbage and vomit. It was getting louder and stronger every second.
I looked over at Balahize who had scooted back further into the corner and asked, “My God, what is that smell? Where’s it coming from?”
She whispered, “God isn’t here, boy. Now be quiet! Maybe they won’t know you’re here yet and move on to the next cell.”
“Cell?,” I whispered back, “Is that what this is, a cell? Bahalize, who are ‘they’?”
“Wow, you really didn’t pay any attention in Sunday School did you? For instance, I thought you might get a clue when I told you my name but it went right over your head didn’t it?”
What was she getting mad at me for? “What do you mean? Just tell me!” My voice was getting louder and she held her finger up to her lips telling me to be quiet.
“When I said my name is Bahalize, I thought you might get it – Baal is! Now be silent you fool or the torturers will take you to the pit!” she hissed at me again.
“What pit?” you could barely hear the question.
“The pit of fire!”
Teresa Marie 11/16/11
All at once I stopped with a thud. I was in a place that I can only describe as a cavern. There was no way out and it was so dark that I could barely see my hand in front of my face. Cold also. There was a dank musty odor that was so prevalent it seemed to be seeping into the pores of my skin.
“Skin?,” you ask. Yes skin. I don’t know about the other place but in this one you still had your body, sort of.
That was it, it was cold, dank, musty and I was all alone. My first thought was, “This is hell? I thought there was supposed to be fire and brimstone?” But no answer came, nothing.
Then my second thought was, “I’ll go nuts having no one to rap with! I know there are others down here, I’m not the only one in hell! Where is everybody?”
Those thoughts finally began to sink in. The truth of my situation hit me all of a sudden like “a ton of bricks” and the prospect of an eternity in this place didn’t give me any “warm and cozy feeling.” Quite the contrary. I’d never felt so alone and lonely in my entire life. Was this my hell? Was everybody’s hell different depending on what their personality was or something? The questions continued to mount in my mind but there was no one to ask them to. God had abandoned me, I was totally cut off from Him.
I sat down and began to sob like I’d never done before in my entire mortal life. Huge sobs heaved my body, I couldn’t breath. That is when I began screaming at the top of my lungs. All that kept running through my head as I did was this phrase “the screams of the damned, the screams of the damned.” And then someone was laughing. It was not any ha-ha laugh either but rather the laugh of a crazed person, an evil laugh that chilled me to my soul! Wait, did I even have a soul anymore? Why wouldn’t they stop laughing? Who was laughing? Then she was standing there in front of me, the girl, and she laughing at me.
Just then my body was wracked with excruciating pain. I opened my eyes to a light shining brightly down into them. I heard a voice saying to someone else, “We’ve got him back but I don’t know for how long. Can’t you get around them? We’ve gotta get him to the hospital now or we’ll lose him again for sure!”
There had been an accident on the highway and the road was blocked. The ambulance sat idling in the jammed up traffic. Just as the EMT was asking the question, a wrecker arrived to move the cars out of our way. The driver and the authorities were working frantically to clear a path for the ambulance to get passed. Traffic was directed to pull off to one side or the other and let us through.
That is when I died the second time. This time hell was a whole different place and yes, there was fire!
Teresa Marie 11/15/11
A big labyrinth
it does seem
more a nightmare
than a dream
Where there is
great endless stairs
that increase worries
and your cares
For they go
on and on
where has the
time all gone
Feel you’ll never
find the way out
as your fear
gives way to doubt
But hold on
there’s an end
on this fact
you must depend
Don’t give up
you must have hope
or you’ll never
be able to cope!
Teresa Marie 10/21/11
God allows us trials
that muscles we build
to makes us stronger
and spirit be stilled
It may seem that
I am being absurd
but we need strength
here among the herd
When we are all
jostled and juggled around
without having any trials
where is strength found
With training for running
the heart’s made stronger
and the more we do
we can go for longer
So in your trials
remember it’s for muscle
and don’t let God be
lost in the hustle & bustle
Teresa Marie 10/18/11
My silence is
what worries you
But there’s nothing
you can do
When it is
just another word
For my pain
that goes unheard
In my suffering
I am alone
Through my silence
do I moan
And this hurt
has me unnerved
When its cause
is so undeserved
So this silence
is another word
For my pain
and suffering unheard!
Teresa Marie 10/10/11
I love this sign
that says it all
Either we will rise
or we will fall
If we don’t answer
the Blessed Savior’s call
Know we won’t be
going to the mall
Nor will we be
Belle of the ball
‘Cause this here sign
truly says it all!
Teresa Marie 10/9/11
When the world says
I should give up
I ask it for
just one more cup
For I have time
before I must go
And I can take
whatever it may throw
Then hope does whisper
“Try just once more!”
As I say okay
and the world ignore!
Teresa Marie 10/6/11
Anything bugging you today?
What about God? 