picture it & write # 38; The Fog

The burning sun crept over the horizon. The heavy silence hushed my trembling whimpers. The tendrils of the unwavering fog caressed the bridge. My shivering hands grasped the rails and peered over, it was a kilometre drop at the very least. I pulled back and pushed away the stubborn tears that leaked from my eyes. I watched as my father trudged into the fog. If only I hadn’t been so rash… he wouldn’t of taken the fall for my actions. “Please come back,” I begged. It was the last time I ever saw him. The fog never returned its victims.

 Ermisenda Alvarez


__picture it & write

by Ermilia

Help!

Silence of Shame

Creating Rules

You Win

Quietly

 

For my baby, Sara;  in memory of her friend Gunner Jones who committed suicide last night.  A tragedy that one so young should feel their life was not worth living!!  May the angels carry his soul to the arms of the One who will love him unconditionally for eternity!!!  My sympathy and prayers are with his family in their time of grief.

I Want A Dialogue With You On A Serious, Personal Matter

*Okay, this is kind of long but I am emotionally charged here with this one:

 

 

Today I was watching Dr. Oz and the show was about whether or not Physician assisted suicide is morally right or not.  This was a highly emotional show.

Montel Williams was on there and he is  very passionate about this subject and the right of someone to end their suffering by ending their life.

There was a Physician/Physiatrist on there that is very passionate about doctors not having the right to assist in suicide.

There were several different patients on each side of the coin with their opinions.

This was very emotional for me to watch and I cried through the whole thing.

Being able to understand much of what was being talked about because of my various diseases and conditions that are a result of those diseases, this subject was very hard for me to watch being talked about.

Being a faith driven person, being a walking/talking example of miracles, I DO NOT agree with the physician assisted suicide right.

I understand what Montel was saying about being in so much pain, the kind of pain cancer patients  go through when everything else has been done and they are out of options, constant – nerve racking –debilitating pain, I know it well!!

When I was struck with the M.S., as a result of it, I ended up with Fibromyalgia and Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) and thought that I was going to lose my mind!!  My life was “unbearable” because of everything that I was dealing with.

The condition I was in due to the M.S. alone was bad enough and being told that I would have to deal with where it left me; unable to walk without a walker because otherwise I would only make it a few steps before falling over; partial paralysis of the left side of my body; mouth drooping; depression (not because of my mental state but because that is a side effect of M.S. and what it does to the brain); unable to even sit on the toilet without Mark’s help to keep me from falling off, it was horrible.

Then the Fibromyalgia hit.  I could not sit/lay/stand or walk without severe pain and the pain was constantly moving until it got to the point where there was not a place on my body that didn’t hurt.  I cried for hours every day.  Painkillers would dull it, sure, but they didn’t cure it!

Finally the RLS kicked in.  This is a hard disease to describe but the best I can say it is this; it feels like pins and needles pricking your calves; creepy/crawly sensations INSIDE the skin, like bugs crawling; your legs will involuntarily jump, over and over and over for hours and hours and hours!  It’s impossible to sit still or sleep and it happens EVERY night starting about 9PM and lasts ALL NIGHT LONG!

So dealing with all of these things, I became severely depressed at times since I was already half way there from the MS and then add sleep deprivation; I was emotionally depressed.

I would pray for hours; then I would repeatedly cry out to God “Why?  I can’t live like this!!  Why won’t You help me?  Why won’t you just let me die?  Why, why, why…?”

It was the most horrible year of my life (and that even includes when I was being abused)!  If someone, a doctor, had said “I will give you something you can take to die if you want it.”  I would not have done it because of my Religious beliefs, but it would have been tempting, I won’t lie about that.  And, just maybe, at some point during one of my worst depressions stages, I could have fallen for that temptation.

But I have to say, just look at what I would have missed out on!!!!  I got my miracles, and yes I MIRACLES because I have been blessed with many of them.  GOD HEARD MY CRIES; HE DRIED MY TEARS; HE HEALED ME ABUNDANTLY (not perfectly, make no mistake of what I am saying).

Through medications/medical advances; all of my diseases and conditions are under control.  Sure, I get “flair ups” of symptoms at times but I’m 100% better off than what I was @ 7 years ago when I was first diagnosed.

Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that!!!  I have a purpose for my life, a mission if you will.  God left me here for HIS reasons.  How can I not honor and glorify Him daily with the gifts He has given me for “such a day as this”?  I have experienced a vast array of things in my life time, many of them from my own wrong doing, that have left me able to communicate with people suffering through a wide spectrum of ordeals.  I was presented with a gift from God to help people, inspire them, give them some hope in some way; either through my poetry or directly communicating with them or just through reading my story and know what I came through and how happy I am today.

Now I will throw this in here at the end; I do agree with having a Living Will wholeheartedly.  Mark KNOWS without a doubt what my feelings are about being kept alive artificially.  NO WAY, NO HOW!  Do not put me on life support systems just because YOU don’t want to lose me.  If God wants to take me, don’t interfere with Him!!

So, I had a thought; what if Mark and I both got into an accident?  We don’t have a legal Living Will, who would speak for me then if Mark died and I didn’t?

I immediately picked up the phone and called my daughter to discuss all that I have with you in this post.  Being my eldest, it would fall on her shoulders to make that decision for me L and it would be hard for her but now she knows from my own lips what I want and I feel better.

So…  that brings me to this; what do you think about all of this?  I really want and ask from your comments.  Hitting the like button on this one is not going to tell me what parts you agree or disagree with; whether you like the idea or just like me talking about it; so please give me some feedback because I am very involved with this subject knowing that I could be struck any minute by the MS again and be right back to where I was in the beginning or even worse off than that.  I’m not saying that I would probably ever change my opinion on it but I am interested.

Thanks!!

Love and blessings to you all,

Terri

Has Suicide Won?

*image source: google.com/images

The Sea

The crashing of the sea
croons a slow alluring song

Which calls out to me
as if there I belong

And enticing as can be
sweet melody drums
along

“I can set you free
but you must be strong

 

“If you would let go
and into my rhythem fall

To you I can show
the beauty of it all

My tide’s  ebb and flow
does so quickly you enthrall

When peace to you I show
out beyond this rocky wall”

 

I listen to it’s cry
while wanting to give in

But is it not a lie
that the devil did begin?

What if suicide I try
dismissing the voice within

And I succeed to die
would it not be a sin?

 

It is one thing unknown
when thoughts turn this way

The answer is His alone
and there it does stay

What thing He would condone
or an act does Him betray

Could not to me be known
before ’twas my judgement day.

Teresa Marie  11/22/11

 

 

By The Time

When you read this
I will be gone

For me there’ll never
be a new dawn

‘Cause by the time
you wanna stop me

From this painful life
I will be free

All of the haters
have done their best

My will to live
they put to test

Which I do guess 
that I did fail

So I’ve chosen from
this world to bail!

Teresa Marie  11/7/11

Dedicated to all those who were bullied and couldn’t go on,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand!

 

Bullying is a true crime and, unfortunately, has grown to epidemic proportions in this country.  My heart goes out to those parents who have lost their children due to this CRIME and unless it is considered/prosecuted as such, there will be more grief because of it.  This is my attempt to raise awareness.